Friends: Surrogate Grandparents or Parental Regression?

"Tell me what company thou keepst, and I'll tell thee what thou art." ~Miguel de Cervantes (1547 - 1616) Spanish novelist.

Barbara and I have two adult daughters. Our eldest daughter has given us two grandchildren who are both more than two decades old. OUCH! Both our children live three to four hours away. There is more than a dozen years between the ages of our daughters.

We have made two (female) friends in the last few years, who once in awhile are nice enough to fill in for our "big-city" daughters. The eldest Rachelle is just a tad younger than daughter Kimberly, and the youngest Tonya is a bit older than daughter Erin. In fact we knew Tonya as a child and she would play with Erin from time to time.

Rachelle has a husband and four children, three boys and a girl named Ashley who is sweet 16. Tonya has two daughters, one about a year old and Maya who will start school this year. So curiously enough, Ashley and Maya are also a similar difference in age as are our daughters and our "relief" daughters.

Barb is quite generous and kind of a softie, so she decided that we should maybe buy some back-to-school clothes for Maya and Ashley like we used to do so many years ago. We remember how kids need a new wardrobe each year and how pricey that can be, and besides it would be fun.

So today we took two trips to the Paul Bunyan Mall. We picked up Maya first whose mom decided to stay home and mow the lawn while dad washed clothes and cleaned house. After bringing Maya home, we picked up Ashley whose mom decided to come along, while dad finished painting his newly self-remodeled basement.

So thanks to Tonya and Rachelle and spouses, for allowing us to regress back to early parenthood or early grandparenthood. We had a gas.

Maya. She's pretty cute and was pretty excited to go shopping for school clothes when we picked her up, but it wasn't too long before she got interested in toys and other things besides "outfits".  Give her a few years eh? Actually, she's already pretty interested in fancy shoes, in fact she has a pair picked out for her mom to give her for her future wedding. Poor guy, I'll warn him about the shoes.


"Hey my friend, I see your eyes are troubled, care to share your time with me?" ~Dave Matthews Band

Oh my Maya. I picked out this dress, (believe it or not) it just seemed Maya. Girls are girls aren't they? Boys would never pose like this or for that matter, probably wouldn't go shopping to begin with. "Mom, you go. Just pick me up a pair of jeans and a couple t-shirts".

Barb proudly picked out this one. Both she and Maya liked the ballet slippers and the sparkly things.


"It is one of the blessings of old friends that you can afford to be stupid with them." ~Ralph Waldo Emerson

Maya is a busy girl, so she didn't try this one on, but Barb and Maya figured it would fit.


"My best friend is the one who brings out the best in me." ~Henry Ford

Now this is what Maya was really interested in, or thought she was. Her mom gave Maya some money and said she could go on the carousel once, and then buy Barb and I a Dairy Queen. But she conveniently left her wallet in her backpack, which she left in the car. So we picked up the tab for both.

Hmmm, seems like there's more rides than a carousel, and mom said just one ride on the carousel. So, sure...just one ride. But alas, there is a locomotive too. I've often been accused of having loco motives.


"It is not so much our friends' help that helps us as the confident knowledge that they will help us." ~Epicurus (341 - 270 BC) Greek philosopher.

And a convertible? Here's a car just like mine, only mine's bigger and black. I think Maya is wondering why these rides aren't as much fun...now that she's not a little girl any more. She's a big girl now going to school. Don't think so? Just call her a little girl. Any rate don't think these rides are as exciting as when she was three. Oh well, she'll find more exciting things, like shoes and lip stick and roller coasters. We all do er, mostly girls.

And finally a Safari jeep. We wouldn't let Erin drive with passengers in the car until she had more experience than Maya has, but here she is with three extras in the car. Personally, I didn't trust the ape in the front seat, seemed he was up to some kind of monkey business, but alas all turned out well, the ape being as terrified as I used to be.

After this we went after that ice cream and then brought Maya back to her parents, one of the nice things about being "real" OR "surrogate" grandparents. And on top of it all, the parents are grateful, when actually it was we who had the good time. They don't believe us and that's-just-fine. Oh, Maya got two tops in addition to the two dresses, and I picked out one of those too. Actually, I'm quite pleased with myself about that.


"My friends are my estate." ~Emily Dickinson

Here we are back at the mall with sweet Ashley sweet sixteen. I may have been the only man in Maurice's, but that's okay, I'm not shy that way.


"Grief can take care of itself, but to get the full value of joy you must have somebody to divide it with." ~Mark Twain

Here I pose with a couple of models. Barb decided she should take a photo of me or no one would believe I was there. Somehow all who have learned of my trip today think it quite unlike me. Guess I'm gonna have to do more things that are "unlike me". First of all it's fun, and second if there's one thing I can't stand, it's to be predictable.


"What is a friend? A single soul in two bodies." ~Aristotle

Mom and Barb patiently awaiting near the runway for the fashion show, "Styles by Ashley Elizabeth".


"Do not save your loving speeches
For your friends till they are dead;
Do not write them on their tombstones,
Speak them rather now instead". ~Anna Cummins

First on the list is top chosen by me. But the rest of the audience, including the model decided that if was perhaps just a bit too fancy for Bemidji H.S. Kinda hard to see but it has spangly things up near the top.

The fashion model naturally has her own dressing room, here she takes a peek out the door to see if the audience looks friendly and in a buying mood.


"I get by with a little help from my friends." ~John Lennon

Exiting the runway to the enthusiastic applause of those in attendance.


"A friend is, as it were, a second self." ~Cicero

Modeling with and without the sweater vest. She has left her interest in carousels far behind.

Belts are a lovely accessory don't you agree? Our model decides to try a pose without a smile and it seems to change her hair color.


" 'Stay' is a charming word in a friends vocabulary." ~Louisa Mary Alcott [1832-1888], American writer, reformist

Fashioneer Ashley Elizabeth debates with mother which outfits might be the favorites and suitable for purchase, while Barbara assesses the tags.

Shoppers Three. The decision? Two tops, a sweater vest and a belt which "she looooves and can be worn with lots of outfits".

We have been told on good authority that Ashley is "VERY happy" with her new school clothes. Her mother tells us we can expect a thank you note, but it is we who are thankful. We are thankful for many things, but among the most important is friendship. We did a little pretending today, but what is real is the wonderful people that are Maya and Tonya, Ashley and Rachelle and their delightful families. Thanks for letting us be a part of your lives.


"The most I can do for my friend is simply to be his friend. I have no wealth to bestow on him. If he knows that I am happy in loving him, he will want no other reward. Is not friendship divine in this?" ~Henry David Thoreau